The Perfect Scrambled Eggs

Eggs are quite possibly the world’s most intriguing and universal food. They are symbolic, nourishing, versatile, and complex. Almost everyone can cook them some way or another – but not many can do so well and with consistency. Let’s try to change that.

I’ve somewhat phased eggs out of my regular diet. I even avoid them in packaged food, which isn’t that hard considering I cook from scratch as often as possible, and with whole, fresh ingredients. But they’re everywhere – their protein is a somewhat cheap and readily available binding agent.

I generally avoid eggs because they’re high cholesterol and not terribly filling. It’s easy to eat a bunch of them at one sitting, or mixed in dishes throughout the week. If I do eat any, I keep it to three or less per week, but sometimes more for special occasions. My quota for the week was reached this morning while visiting my family. Despite my visits being somewhat regular, we’re going through a difficult patch that I will refrain from talking about in any detail. Anyhow, I decided to cook eggs for everyone in hopes of easing some of the tension and to start everyone off with a rich but filling meal.

Prep time: 0.0000005 minutes
Cooking time: 3-4 minutes

Anyhow, here’s what you need:

• large eggs. 2-3 per person, or however many you prefer.
• butter, unsalted (never buy salted butter), about one tablespoon per serving of eggs
• kosher salt
• freshly ground black pepper
• crusty bread – Italian or French will do nicely

Also needed:

• a pan, sized to fit the volume of eggs you’re cooking. Non-stick is nice, but not necessary
• a spatula
• a flame, maybe even from your stove

Crack the eggs into the pan and add the butter, sliced into tablespoon-sized pads. DO NOT ADD THE SALT AND PEPPER. You must wait for the eggs to set, otherwise the salt will pull the moisture out and your eggs turn all runny. Put them on medium-high heat, stirring constantly with the spatula to break the eggs. The butter should melt all the while. The egg will start to develop curds. When this starts happening, pull the pan from the heat and keep stirring, always stirring, scraping the curd off the pan. The heat from the pan will continue to cook the eggs for a bit. The timing doesn’t have to be exact – it will just take a little longer, that’s all. So, just before the heat has been absorbed by the eggs, return the pan to the flame.

Continue in this manner, stirring always, cooking on and off the heat. After the second time or so, the curd should be set sufficiently enough to hold your seasonings. So add them! Once the eggs are slightly moist, but cooked, remove them from the heat entirely. The remaining heat in the pan will continue to cook the eggs, so plate them when your eggs are how you like them. I like mine a smidgen wet, while just cooked, but with a creamy, puréed consistency. There’s nothing worse than eggs that have been killed, except maybe a pricey cut of meat that has been cooked “well-done”.

Finish with a thin slice of butter, a fresh crack of black pepper, maybe some finely chopped chives, a wedge of bread, and you’re set.

Bon appetit!