For the past few months I’ve been learning a lot about food, mostly on my own. I’d love to go to culinary school someday. Unfortunately, I can’t really afford to right now. So I plan on graduating, working, saving up some money, and getting to business.

I think the best way to learn is to do. I could work in a restaurant – earn money and learn at the same time. The hands on experience would be invaluable. Can you really know how to bone a chicken if you’ve only watched someone else do it – without running your blade through a bird yourself? This would be a huge change and a tremendous risk, one that could completely devastate my life if things go sour.

On top of that, I’m getting old. Okay, so 24 isn’t that old – but most cooks start between sixteen and twenty. In chef terms, I’m a fossil. So what’s an old bone like me to do?

If there were no risk, I’d drop everything and start learning the industry. There is risk though, and I’m extremely close to my degree. Throwing that away would be a complete waste. I’d have nothing to fall back on.

I have also been feeling disconnected with the food I eat. For awhile, food was fuel, calories, energy. And that’s all. I eat as healthily as I can, avoid processed foods, corn syrup, Hellman’s mayonnaise, frozen chicken breast, even butchered chicken breasts. I do everything myself, from scratch, as much as possible. I make my own bread and my own pasta. I’m buying more and more organic foods, especially produce, fish and poultry. But I feel an irresponsibility, and a lacking.

Luckily, I’ve figured out what it is. And I’ve got a plan.

This summer, I am going to grow my own vegetables and herbs. I figure it will do several things for me. First off, it might save me some cash and certainly some shopping time. I’ve yet to figure out the numbers – but I suspect the cost of pots, soil, water, sun, seeds and love will be far exceeded by the costs of my groceries. Secondly, they’ll be like a pet. I’ll have something to take care of, maintain, and nurture. Third, though I’m doing it for my sustenance, it should do wonders for my pride. Finally, it will connect me directly to what I put into my body – and fill the void that’s been growing for some time. I will learn about food and flavor, how to use new ingredients, how to simplify things. And hopefully, just maybe, I will learn a lot about the extent of my capabilities, not only as one who makes food but as a human being.